Should I stay, or should I go now?
Should I stay, or should I go now?
If I go, there will be trouble
And if I stay, it will be double
So you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

When The Clash wrote “Should I Stay or Should I Go” guitarist/songwriter Mick Jones had no partner in mind but wrote about the struggle of leaving a relationship on the brink. This simple (and some would say annoying) song illustrates the whirlwind of emotion between a couple in an on-again/off-again cycle.

Does that sound like the rocky relational journey of a church body and you or someone you know? Unfortunately, we hear this tune in the background of way too many stories. Pastors with good motives often wrestle to decide if staying is worth it.

When you find yourself in the sticky spot of a ministry crossroads, I see at least five responses. It seems that Scripture, in a descriptive way, backs of the wisdom of each.

1. Stay and take it
   When Jesus was betrayed in the garden, he simply told Judas to “do what you came to do.” Certainly his “I am” knocked the battalion to their knees, but he didn’t resist. He calmed the anger of Peter and submitted himself to arrest. I’m not calling you a savior, but Jesus knew that resistance wasn’t the will of his Father. Sometimes we can know that too.
   
   In this case, whatever the heat is, you realize that it’s better for the church if you absorb rather than reflect. You might feel defeated. You might feel like a wimp. You might have people question your decision. But it might just be what the people around you need to realize they are in the wrong. And you might just calm the episode down so that cooler heads can prevail in the coming days.
   
2. Stay and reason
   Moses asked Pharoah ten times to free the Israelites. He didn’t instruct God’s people to bow up. He kept coming back. He relented at times. He explained the case to Pharoah on more than one occasion.
   
   If you think you are in the right, sometimes the best response is to thoughtfully and reasonably work your people through a conflict. Present your case with grace and truth. Spread the dialogue out across days or weeks. The book, Crucial Conversations, can help you with this approach.
   
   When candidates have left a challenging situation, one of my first questions is related to what steps they took to resolve the differences. If they did little, it’s a sign that they may generally run from conflict, a trait not suitable for long-haul ministry.
   
3. Stay and stand firm
   Jesus in the temple. Need I say more?
   
   Some fights are worth standing your ground and calling out sin or sinful thinking. You may not get far making a whip and turning over the Lord’s Supper table, but you may have to express what you believe to be right with some passion and zeal.
   
   I had a professor, Dr. Ken Coley at SEBTS, who used to encourage us to occasionally “lead by outrage.” Sometimes the people we lead are so out of line that we need to intentionally express righteous anger and emotion. There’s a fine line. Don’t tiptoe it with the justification of Jesus’ zeal for his house. You are a human. You don’t have that authority.
   
4. Stay and walk back
   We see this from a group of early church leaders in Acts 15. Some wanted to perpetuate Jewish laws and customs before calling someone authentically Christian. Others pointed out the theological absurdity of such a notion. The Judaizers relented. In unity, they wrote a letter, selected respectable and godly men to deliver it to various regions, and rejoiced.
   
   Guess what. You are not infallible. We can be wrong as a leader. I’ve been there more times than I can count. I’ve always been thankful for the people around me who were gracious when I owned up to it. Confession, admission of wrong, and humbly walking back an unwise opinion often builds trust. Give it a shot.
   
5. Shake the dust
   “And wherever they do not receive you, when you leave that town shake off the dust from your feet as a testimony against them.” (Luke 9:5).
   
   If the previous four either haven’t worked or just aren’t an option, sometimes you need to leave. Leave graciously. Leave after consulting good counsel. Leave humbly. Leave with as much notice and runway as you can. Leave with the best for your family in mind (which means you might need to negotiate a measure of severance).
   
   And when you leave…leave. It’s hard, but don’t address the issues any longer with church leaders or members. Don’t wallow in folly by posting cryptic (or worse, obvious) messages online. Walking away from people you love in the hardest of situations, often with lingering questions, may be the most difficult pastoral act of your ministry journey.

When Paul closes out I Timothy, he talks about working with challenging people. He says in 4:10, “For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe.” Ministry is not for the weak-hearted (check out this book). Remember your hope. Remember your Savior. Remember your mission. Those core principles cut through ministry messes and keep us walking in a manner worthy of the Lord.